Book #66: "Jimmy John's: A Culinary Catastrophe" by B. M. Herr

 

Jimmy John's: A Culinary Catastrophe

B. M. Herr

 Released: October 18th, 2024

My 9th book for 2025 was B. M. Herr's “Jimmy John's: A Culinary Catastrophe”.

I know exactly what you're thinking: Did [he] really write an actual book???  Sure, why not.  I've had the itch for a while, and figured I needed to get some creative energy out.

No, just kidding friends, I did not write a book...yet.

I've long told my girlfriends my aspirations of one day writing a book.  I do want to write a biography of my crazy life at some point.  I've been told I have a story for everything and can really tell a good one.

There is some backstory before I get into this book.  In 2007, I was dating a girl in Chicago.  January 2008, my best friend and I took a train out to Chicago to hang out with her for the week.  Once there, we decided to check out Jimmy John's one of the days.  It was newer to us, and we figured why not give it a shot.  So the 3 of us trekked into downtown Chicago, and when we arrived at Jimmy John's, we were disappointed to find out that it was under construction and not yet open.  Standing outside the building was the most horribly depressed looking man you ever saw in your life.  We figured that perhaps he just really wanted some Jimmy Johns, and now his entire life was ruined due to the misfortune of the shop still being built.  After observing this, my friends and I have this running joke that every time something disappointing happens in life, you depressively utter "Jimmy John's" or treat it as a swear word.

I have recounted this story many times over the years to various people.  I even had a class I facilitated at the Walmart Academy.  I did something off key in class and went "Jimmy John's".  After explaining the story to the class, it became a running joke the rest of the week as after any incorrect answers, someone would utter "Jimmy John's".  Good times!

Anyways, now to the main part.  For Christmas 2024, my girlfriend got me an A.I.-penned novel.  You go to this company called Book By Anyone and they will have a computer write a book for you that they will publish.  

After I got it, I knew that I would have to read it at some point.  Challenge accepted.

This book reminded me in some ways of "Junior" by Macaulay Culkin with just how random some of the material is.  Where his sounds more like the lamenting sounds of alcohol-induced frustrations and regret, this one feels more like you told a computer that it had 241 pages to write a story it could have told you in 5.  It tells an interesting tale over...and over...and over...and over...and over.

The book describes a trip to the sandwich shop Jimmy John's.  The person enters the shop, and takes in the sights, smells, and signs of a tasty sandwich business.  The book then proceeds to describe various observations about the establishment.  We get long runs about various employees.  We get entire chapters dedicated to various toppings.  (Most notable are the chapters on banana peppers, pickles, and mustard).  The book then talks about the hilarious insanity that occurs on the other side of the counter with the employees.  It also describes the result of a good sub, and a poor sub.  It talks about drinks.  It talks about the entire experience and how it relates to life.  And then the chapter ends.  The next chapter begins the story all over again, except using different words, and different ways to describe the trip.  The repetitiveness is on point for this one, but each one is different and novel in its own approach.

Wild concept, but interesting...just interesting...

The book does reference several things pertaining to my life:

- My love of peanut butter on sandwiches as a result of the Peanut Butter Bacon Pickle Burger at Killer Burger in the Portland, OR area.

- My love of avocados.

- My time trying vegan foods.

- My entrepreneurial friend Jessica being my "leafy green advocate".

- My love of Vancouver, WA.  Specifically the waterfront.

Here's What I Learned: [Blogger's Note: Not everything listed is factual.  The book was intended as a gag gift, and I'm humoring it by treating it as a real book.  Play along. 😉]

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• According to this book, I “wrote” a book.

• Each chapter is based on a food.

• I painted my dog as part of an art project.

• The Sandwich Saboteur prefers sandwiches from the 1990’s.

• The Saboteur has undying loyalty to ham sandwiches.

• Pickled Brussel Sprouts make great sandwich toppings.

• Mystery Meat Deluxe is a colorful combination of ground beef, processed turkey, and a rogue slice of something pretending to be bacon.

• “Here was the reality: even when faced with a plate of chaos, laughter is essential — the practice of transforming every mishap into a punchline worthy of the finest comedic repertoire.”

• “Sometimes the worst culinary moments yield the richest flavors.”

• My favorite place is the waterfront in Vancouver, WA.

• The “number six” resembles an obscure sandwich Holocaust.

• Peanut Butter goes well with Turkey.

• It’s essential to keep an eye on the fashionable fads of sauces.

• The true comedians of the world thrive in chaos.

• The “Fifth Dimension” sandwich features peanut butter, sardines, and an unusually large dollop of enthusiasm.

• Turkey can be substituted with corned beef dressed in disco sauce.

• Tommy works at Jimmy John’s.

• Tommy likes to slice tomatoes.

• “Our choices shape the narrative of our experiences.”

• Losing a sandwich is akin to misplacing your favorite sock.

• Doug is a sandwich making master.

• “In our quest for brilliance, it’s easy to overlook the potential in tough situations.”

• Legend has it Mustard was first cultivated in 2450 B.C.

• Mustard has a legendary history of mishaps.

• “And stuff like that.”

• My best friend Jessica got me into leafy greens.

• I have experienced “accidental veganism”

• “No one is born a great cook, one learns by doing.” - Julia Childs.

• According to legend, John Montagu, the 4th Earl of Sandwich, invented the “Unrequested Sandwich” combination by requesting his meat served between 2 slices of bread some that he could continue playing cards.

• “Picture this: I was savoring an otherwise peaceful afternoon, possibly daydreaming about libraries at my future bookstore by the waterfront in Vancouver, Washington.”

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Overall, not the greatest book I ever read.  

There's very little plot to it and essentially amounts to the same story repeating over and over with little variety.  As I mentioned before it is a gag book.  Great for show, and a good joke for your bookshelf, but not a great read.  I can't believe I'm saying this but, I do not recommend reading my book.  Just get one for your shelf to look cool!

Not Recommended.

On to Book #67: "Elevate and Dominate" by Deion Sanders.