Book #59: “Junior” by Macaulay Culkin

Junior

Macaulay Culkin

 Released: March 15th, 2006

My 2nd book for 2025 was Macaulay Culkin’s “Junior”.

I asked for this one for Christmas.  Megan Perry ordered it for me, and got the paperback accidentally.  She knows my love of hardcover, and ended up receiving both, so I have 2 copies now.  My trend of odd and off-key books continues.  I'll be honest, I'm at a bit of a loss for words...it is very hard to describe this book.  

This one was pretty weird.  The best thing I can liken it to is Kurt Cobain's "Journals".  Culkin gives us 201 pages (with some blank ones thrown in) of random poetry, allegorical tales of life, comics he drew, startling admissions, and some deep semi-philosophical insight into his life "post-circus" as he calls it.

I'm a huge Macaulay Culkin fan, and I'm a bit thrown off.  I think that similar to most people (even nearly 20 years after publication date) I expected tales of his movie shoots, enduring a difficult childhood in the midst of fame, and his struggles to find a semblance of a normal life as an adult.  While it is vaguely covered, not to the degree fans would have liked.

Macaulay states in the book that he had no real plan for what to put in it and admits that it took him years to get it published.  Even that has to be taken with a grain of salt as he intentionally contradicts himself several times.

I know people said that Culkin had some substance abuse issues post-heyday (Alcohol, hard drugs), but now I truly believe it.  There's some very far out stuff here that makes "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas" seem very normal in contrast.

While I appreciated some of the quotes, and different things, I was hoping for more of an authentic biographical piece.  This one is more a journalistic version of an artist's chaotic dream.

Here is what I learned:

—————

• There is a 1-minute quiz to determine if you should read the book.
• There are rules for reading his book.
• Macaulay Culkin admits to not being a writer.
• “I could show this book to ten different people and have them form very different opinions of what it is and what it means to them.”
• Culkin began his book 20 years prior in a New York City hospital. (1995 est.)
• He has been arrested.
• He has a dog named Audrey.
• His girlfriend tried surfing on their trip to Hawaii.
• “If you've never seen someone take their first surfing lesson before, then drop this book and everything else you're doing immediately and arrange it.  It's well worth it.”
• The book uses visual aids.
• Culkin’s memoir is entitled “The Life and Times of Monkey-Monkey Boy.”
• He had a panic attack at one of his film premieres at age 13.
• “It doesn’t matter how you cook it…if people are hungry enough, they’ll eat shit and like it.”
• His dad worked in a church.
• He has a gorilla named Abe.
• The aorta is the largest artery in the human body.
• Muhammad is the modern common name the world.
• The name “Wendy” did not exist before Peter Pan was published.
• He named his penis “Floyd”.
• Eskimos have 49 words for “snow”.
• “Why are men scared of ballet but absolutely head over heels about wrestling?”
• “Never make the same mistake twice.”
• His favorite quote from Showgirls is “Come back when you’ve f*cked some of that baby fat off.”
• Masturbation is the sincerest form of flattery.
• Freud: Sometimes a cigar is just a dildo.
• His dad liked to hit things.
• “I think faster than I write.”
• “The beginning is always the hardest part of any story.”
• You get a strong sense of his parents neglect and how it fueled his alcohol/drug abuse issues.
• “No one wants to be a face in a crowd of normals.”
• In his list of people who are dead, he doesn’t mention John Candy.
• He struggles with deadlines.
• He suffered from abandonment issues.

—————

Overall, while it's cool to have a book written by Macaulay Culkin, you cannot really enjoy it unless you're a fan of very abstract writing.  It reads more as a journal than a straight-on story.

Recommended only for hardcore fans, or fans of Kurt Cobain's "Journals".

On to Book #60: "The BFG" by Roald Dahl.